Saturday, April 5, 2014

what I learned in a fortnight.

You can't save anyone. Only person you can save is yourself. And that's one of the greatest feats you will ever accomplish.

No one gives a fuck about your intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.
This is a real thing. Intentions only matter when they manifest. When they remain pretty ideas in the corner of your mind that you like to think you live by, no one gives a fuck.

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Just because they've made it clear it's about them, doesn't mean it's ok for you to make it about them too. Self protection, anyone? The moment someone you've given your heart to or even considering giving your heart to reveals that they're ultimately their first priority (totally in the selfish way....always kudos to the healthy life serving way), run. Run as hard as you can, because you're on a sinking ship with no life vests.

No regrets. Even when you actually have regrets, keep chanting 'no regrets' and before you know it you'll believe it. One of those cool mind games we forget to take advantage of. Sure, you could've avoided all the heartbreak by thinking a little harder or somehow seeing into the future. Right...? And sure, things should've could've maybe would've turned out differently if x, y and z. But they didn't. And oddly enough, you would not become you who are if they had. Accept and be grateful...

Because though being disappointed in something or someone is heartbreaking, and you don't know how to trust or hope again, be grateful because clarity is freedom.

Clarity is freedom. Never avoid the questions because you're fucking afraid. If you have to reason yourself out of the answer that comes to mind when you ask the hard questions, there's a 99% chance your mind is right.

Trust yourself. Trust yourself because at the end of the day you are the one who has to live with your decisions and experiences. Make them, deal with the consequences, and keep building your reputation with yourself. Forget about always choosing the right, choose you and experience will guarantee you learn.

I've lived almost my entire life on a foundation of ideas, ideals and dreams. This is beautiful. At some point however, if one is to truly live, we have to experience. This starts with implementing your beliefs through your actions. And you will find that if you're open, things will change.

And it'll scare the shit out of you. You. Will. Be. Scared. You will doubt and question and doubt and question and then after that, eventually you'll doubt and question again. All I can promise is that one day you'll realize you doubt a lot less and ask smarter questions and that really, it's never about the answers but the courage to ask.

Sometimes people are only in your life to break a box or  open one. And then they leave. And it feels like all the feelings are about them for a while, but soon you'll realize that it's always about you, even when you think it's about them. Just like it's always about them even when you think it's about you. This sounds fucking pointless but if you're willing to accept it, it makes for beautifully sacred sharing of our hearts and lives. Whole sharing, not two halves attempting  to complete each other.

Someone else's lack of capacity is not your problem. This is where self protection comes in too- if they can't seem to evolve out of their low vibration bullshit, release them with compassion and understanding. But create boundaries, babe. Hard as fuck to balance but worth the effort. No hard feelings towards them and no hard feelings towards yourself.

Repeat after me: "I'm busy enough with my own insecurities, I don't needa be trippin' over yours too." Pick yours up out of others way, and put some nice, bright orange cones around everyone else's danger zones. It's one thing to work things out in a relationship, it's another to trip right into their shit time after time. That habit will erode love.

Hugest thing: Allow yourself time to grieve. To release, grow, be angry, be sad, think you're okay and then discover triggers everyday. Forgive yourself and make it about you. And one day soon you'll be laughing and smiling and feel alive and realize that you haven't in a while. And you'll laugh because you never thought the sunlight would make you happy again. And yet here you are. Closer than ever to the glorious reality of your dreams.