How hard will it be for someone to love me? want me and accept me? no matter what? Like, literally, no matter what? no matter how intense and full of shit I am. no matter how insecure and needy and judgmental and spiteful I am. no matter how LARGE my family is. no matter how much I believe in and how much I don't believe in.
How hard is it to love me? when I question everything and search for motive and don't settle. when I bitch and moan and try to fix things before they're broken. when I want and need you and tell you exactly how much I don't.
How hard is it to love me?
I'm willing to pay. to compromise. to change. to excuse, apologize, water down, dilute, hide and make myself small. just for that little piece of shit love.
Because the real thing just is all encompassing. There is nothing but acceptance, unconditionally. And sure, of course, it's a choice. everyday it's a motherfucking choice and a process because we're not perfect. and realizing the difference between the struggle is real and there shouldn't be a struggle.
He likes me. that's it. he wants to get to know me better and give to me.
I like him. that's it. want to get to know him better and give to him. though I feel so unqualified to share.
but no compromising. all of me or none of me. and that includes my family. and if he really can't handle that then he can't coexist. and that's just the beginning and the end of that.
why am I more afraid of what this stranger will think and feel than I am of being true to the only thing I really have and ever will?
GET YA SHIT TOGETHER.
