Monday, April 16, 2012

Choosing Conscious Vulnerability {yeah, it's scary}

I receive great joy & satisfaction when I young girls are truly honest & lightful on their blogs (& when anyone is period). Authenticity is an enormously essential quality to me & everything I engage in. It's process & evaluating point. Authenticity is illuminating & rewarding. It's not about idealism. There's a "price to be payed" for everything however...

What that metaphor literally refers to is the fact that all our choices have consequences. Decisions & actions all have a domino affect, in circumstantial degrees. I think we don't often realize that it doesn't only apply to physical or tangible decisions & actions, but every single tiny bit of being.
What we choose to think, what we choose to say, what we choose to do, how we choose to interact, how we choose, what we choose...
For example, two of my keyboard keys don't work. I chose to bang on my keyboard when it wasn't working. But is that the beginning & the end of it? Of course not. I chose to bang on my keyboard because I chose to be angry. What was the root of that anger? The fear that  my already damaged  yet vastly important computer would become useless & irreparable. More than that- that I would lose all the treasures stored on it, & never be able to use it again. Did I consciously choose the consequences of acting out of my anger? Of course not . If I had been acting consciously, would any of that have happened? Probably not.
con·scious 
adjective
1.aware of one's own existence,sensations,thoughts,surroundings, etc.
2.fully aware of or sensitive to something (often followed by of ): conscious of one's own faults.
3.having the mental faculties fully active.
4.known to oneself; felt: conscious guilt.
5.aware of what one is doing.
6.aware of oneself; self-conscious.
7.deliberate; intentional.
8.acutely aware of. 
9.Obsolete . inwardly sensible of wrongdoing.
10.the conscious, Psychoanalysis . the part of the mind comprising psychic material of which the individual is aware.
 That is a relatively insignificant (& rather humorous ;) example, but nonetheless, it shows how our actions are not the beginning of it, & not even the end. What's the point of pointing that out? It means that we have to go deeper. I constantly present the concept to people that the ancestor of every action is a thought. I go farther than that & add, the ancestor of every feeling is a thought.
Our minds work so fast, our conditioning is so integrated into our thought processes that it becomes so difficult to look within ourselves & specify the definition of where it began. If we are to be truly authentic, we have to be very real with ourselves. That always means going deeper. Nitty gritty, y'know?

What does this have to do with authenticity?
Everything. 
What's the price to pay for authenticity?
Vulnerability.

 Being real with ourselves (everything starts with you) means entering vulnerable places. And if you're going to take it further & be real with others & do real, which is almost inevitable, that means others are going to see your vulnerability too, because if you're truly real with yourself it naturally follows that you're real all around.
vulnerable
definition: exposure
synonyms: accountability, amenability, compulsion, culpability, openness, susceptibility, vulnerable.
Sounds terrifying, doesn't it? It is. Is it worth it? You'll have to decide. How badly do you want what you want? Truly? YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE.

To those already on the journey of authenticity, I salute you, I encourage you, I feel you. Thank you for being real. Thank you for living sincerely. When it's hard, I'm here. When it's hard, meditate. Remember. Breathe. Laugh. Life's not worth living if it isn't celebrated.


Presences to Enlighten & Encourage your Authenticity: 

I love you You Incredible Powerhouse of Essence. Love to hear from you too...

p.s: I've been rather crazy the past moth. Stressed, crazy, emotional, crazy, & crazy. Investing effort into keeping it real. I'm realizing what a Scorpio I am though... vulnerability does scare me deeply. I'm noticing all the walls I have integrated into myself. Grace & Space for the process lovelies...
<3