saturn in scorpio

I'm really thinking about who it is I want to be: what behaviors will characterize me, what my integrity means to me, what beliefs my choices will reflect and what values I'll integrate into my life.

first off, I realized that in examining this I immediately began to ruminate on who I was....what I used to be. Comparing my present self to that is discouraging because my character was based on beliefs that for the most part, I no longer hold as true. At the time, questioning my values led me to the "well, who am I then?" and therefore through a kind of experimental phase.

I feel like now that I've made choices with consequences I'm not entirely fond of and have begun to feel a loss of a certain sense of self that I miss and cherish, I've come full circle and must not look into the past for my answers as I tend to do. but ONLY LOOK FORWARD. only step into who I am and only choose here and now the person I'll become. because the future isn't made up of memories of the past but of the moments you're present in now. and the more presence and intent you live with, the richer will be the satisfaction you feel.

and I've forgotten about intention. I let intention fade and float away into flighty feelings. and as much as I could've gleaned by trusting my intuition in spite of everything and anything, there's something to be said about returning to center. because, I'm beginning to believe, can you really know what center is if you've never left? can you really know what the truth is if you've never questioned and explored?

that may be a stereo-typically "young" perception of process, but stereotypes exist because where there's smoke, there's fire.

comparison is the killer of authenticity. I don't care if you're comparing yourself to your idol, your mother, your shoulds and shouldn'ts, your past self, your future self, that girl that has the mhph you want, that you that guys could totally be in love with, the version of yourself you think is the highest Divine manifestation. Good bad ugly beautiful, comparison is killer. contrasts are extremes that are like bridges between reality and fantasy:expectations and actualities.