So what do I do with this box? Ive been holding it for so long, so tenderly. It's meant everything to me because every jewel is a desire I've been cultivating for yeeeaaarrsss. But what happens when this box I've been holding close, waiting for someone to fill, becomes a cage?"Once you get married (to another person, to yourself, to God) you must begin to understand that your husband (or wife) fits no preconceived notion. No fantasy. Stop trying to put them in a box. That pretty jewel blue and green box of your most treasured so-called wants, dreams, and desires. Stop trying to stuff them in there! They won’t fit. Not the box you wanted. Not the box you thought you wanted. Not the box you’re holding in your hands. He/she will not fit. Not the box of the culture you are from. Let it go."~ Aliza, MoonPluto Astrology
Ideas turn into perspectives turn into beliefs turn into ideals turn into…
One of the hard truths is that even when the box becomes a cage, it's comfortable. It's familiar. And those bars are like our bones- integrated into our fleshy beings. How do we destroy something…we are?
Being a quadruple Scorpio, I'm all about bursting into flames just to recreate from the ashes. In craving this type of existence, it's more often painful than not because the flames feel like nothing but destruction. But what if. What if it's not destruction but transformation? Just like that jewel covered box became a cage, that became our bones, the very structure with which we built our life, we can't completely eradicate it. We shouldn't want to.
We cling to things that resonate with us and it's important to stay true to ourselves. For as much as I've been told to open up, I've been told not to compromise. Integrity & integration. We can amputate the unhealthy, limiting and constricting beliefs our real desires hide behind. And unlike our actual bodies, our souls can regenerate. There's real comfort in that.
How badly do you want it? How much can't you live without it? How deeply will your heart break if you never have it?
Knowing what you want more than anything else is one of the scariest things. Because it's vulnerable. As much as I crave vulnerability, I equally evade it because it's like being ever present with that fierce fire that fuels our essence. It's exhausting to maintain that level of sensitivity.
Right now, my ultimate deep-well wish is to make that lifetime romantic connection with a soulmate. In some of my darker moments alone, I've dwelled on the possibility of never realizing that potential. How I would feel if I never made that connection. Is it really something I want as deeply as I think I do? Is it all fantasy?
Then one night something said to me, trust your desires. Trust what your heart yearns for. Because we don't choose that. We don't wake up one day and choose what will mean the world to us. Maybe we just know one day. And we're scared, so we make a little box to protect it. Over time we decorate it and the more closely we hold it the more it becomes a part of us.
So then I realized a piece to the puzzle of a story with a certain someone. There's so much about the connection I don't understand, so I was happy that something finally clicked. They showed up in my universe to break my box. Whatever happen afterwards, whatever doesn't happen, whatever it dissolves or evolves into, they're breaking my box. And as painful as it is, I'm eternally grateful because I know that the more bullshit I shed, the clearer I become, the more open I am to the infinity of the Universe.
You need mirrors, darling. You can't see yourself without mirrors. And absolutely NOTHING will give that to you like a relationship with another person.
Maybe our desires and our heart are the same things. They're tender, delicate, vulnerable, often hard to understand. I've read a lot about how everyone should have their heart broken, because you learn so much about yourself, if you lean into it.
Everyone should have their box broken. Someone or something will come along and knock that box out of your hands and they won't coddle it. They'll drop it or throw it on the ground and it'll smash into a million pieces. Have you ever thought what's left after that? Just you. Just you and your bones. Just you and your bones and your open arms. (Venus in Capricorn for a while, anyone? tough wintry love)
When you're not holding anything you're open to anything and that's when exactly what you need which will turn out to be what you want will walk right into your arms and never let you go.
